WEEK 1 CHAMP
👑 LA
WEEK 1 SUCKER
🤪 NESS
This week was pure chaos in the From Deep league. The Black Order ran rampant, Lowryour Expectations found new ways to lose, and the Flat Earthers sniped their way to a bold and efficient win.
Let’s break down the carnage, shall we?
TEAM HIGHLIGHTS
The Black Order
League’s New Overlords
The Black Order didn’t just beat Too Hot For Kool Aid – they annihilated them 7-2 and would have done the same to any team in the league. With 905 points, 247 assists, and a .497 FG%, The Black Order has everyone in the league shaking. They didn’t just win – they humiliated. Forget just being “one to watch” – these guys are the nightmare you can’t wake up from.
If you’re up against The Black Order next week (Sorry, Jess), you might as well start praying now.
MVP Stat: Points (905). The Black Order is here to put up numbers and bury dreams.
Lowryour Expectations
Self-Sabotage 101
Lowryour Expectations weren’t just bad this week – they were embarrassingly bad. They’d have lost to every single team, no matter the matchup. And it didn’t help that they left a bushel-full of stats on the bench: 21 FTM, 10 Threes, 125 Points, 53 Rebounds, 22 Assists, 8 Steals, 6 Blocks, 14 TOs, and even a better and competitive FG% (.496).
It’s as if they decided to be their own worst enemy. It’s as if they forgot how much they love winning over all things.
MVP Stat: A Million Bench Points. Why even draft a team if you’re going to let them rot on the sidelines?
Flat Earthers
Long-Range Snipers
Nothing but net!
Flat Earthers took down Chloë’s Champion Team 5-4, showing that a high FG% and plenty of threes are a deadly combo. They also led the league in steals (58), proving you don’t need to dominate every stat – just the right ones.
Chloë’s Champion Team had the rebounding edge, but the Flat Earthers played a smarter, cleaner game. Expect them to keep snagging wins from opponents who underestimate them.
MVP Stat: 3-Pointers Made (98). The Flat Earthers were chucking threes like they had something to prove – and they did. (Hope you like this week’s write-up more than the last hehe.)
I Got A Harden
Free Throw Machine
This team lives at the line and isn’t shy about getting physical. In a tight 6-3 win over Mary Gets Bucketzz, I Got A Harden used free throws (160 made!) and defensive might (39 blocks) to grind out the victory.
They might not have dominated every category, but they fought for every stat and refused to let Mary Gets Bucketzz breathe.
They’re shaping up to be the league’s defensive bruisers, and they don’t mind getting dirty.
MVP Stat: Free Throws Made (160). You can’t stop them from getting to the line; you can only watch them make you pay for it.
GetSome
Fast and Furious
GetSome demolished Lowryour expectations (not that that’s hard to do) with a 7-2 victory, piling up 781 points and 181 assists. They didn’t have the best FG% at .460, but when your opponent is leaving half their lineup on the bench, it doesn’t really matter.
They showcased a high-speed offense that left Lowryour Expectations in the dust. GetSome has the scorers and the playmakers to keep opponents guessing, and this week, Lowryour Expectations didn’t stand a chance.
MVP Stat: Assists (181). They moved the ball beautifully, leaving Lowryour expectations standing still.
Chloë’s Champion Team
The Glass Cleaners
Despite losing 4-5 to the Flat Earthers, Chloë’s Champion Team proved they’re no pushovers on the boards, pulling down a league-high 322 rebounds. They fought valiantly, winning in rebounds and assists, but ultimately turnovers (77) and lackluster shooting (.467 FG%) hampered their performance.
Chloë’s Champion Team has all the potential, but without improvement in shooting efficiency and ball handling, they might find themselves falling short in these close matchups.
MVP Stat: Rebounds (322) – No team came close to matching Chloë’s Champion Team’s dominance on the glass, making them a dangerous opponent in any rebounding contest.
Mary Gets Bucketzz
Another Close Try
Mary Gets Bucketzz put up a respectable fight but ultimately fell 3-6 to I Got A Harden. Despite a solid .498 FG% and 836 points, they were outpaced in free throws and blocks, two areas where I Got A Harden absolutely owned the matchup.
Mary Gets Bucketzz needs to tighten up on the defensive side if they want to go from close losses to actual wins. The talent is there, but until they start stepping it up in hustle stats, they’ll keep coming up short.
MVP Stat: Field Goal Percentage (.498). Mary Gets Bucketzz can shoot – now, if only they could lock down the other side of the court.
Too Hot For Kool Aid
Melted Under Pressure
Too Hot For Kool Aid got roasted this week by The Black Order, losing 2-7 in a matchup that was never close. While Too Hot For Kool Aid posted a decent FG% at .474 and had decent rebounds and steals, they couldn’t keep up with The Black Order in any category that mattered.
It’s clear they were outmatched against the league’s top dogs. Too Hot For Kool Aid has the bones of a decent team, but will it be enough to keep them in the game?
MVP Stat: None. Lots of mediocrity. Did lots of things alright, but “alright” doesn’t cut it against a juggernaut.
Week 2 was a smackdown for some and a wake-up call for others. The Black Order is officially the team to fear, Lowryour Expectations might want to start reconsidering their fantasy career, and the Flat Earthers are sneaky good. The rest of the league better step up before they get run over.
Can anyone challenge the league’s new powerhouse, or is The Black Order on an unstoppable path to the top?
We’ll find out next weeeeeeek!
>>> Check out these fucking stats (i think it’s cool nbd)
ps. New photo for the sacko throne on the home page ✨
Below is prep work from The Action Network. Read only if you’re interested🤷🏻♀️
Game Distribution for Week 3
Four-Game Teams:
Atlanta Hawks
Boston Celtics
Charlotte Hornets
Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Dallas Mavericks
Denver Nuggets
Detroit Pistons
Golden State Warriors
Houston Rockets
Indiana Pacers
Los Angeles Clippers
Los Angeles Lakers
Memphis Grizzlies
Miami Heat
Milwaukee Bucks
Minnesota Timberwolves
New York Knicks
Oklahoma City Thunder
Orlando Magic
Philadelphia 76ers
Phoenix Suns
Portland Trail Blazers
Sacramento Kings
San Antonio Spurs
Toronto Raptors
Notes:
No back-to-backs during Week 3 for the Celtics, Hornets, Mavs, Nuggets, Warriors, Rockets, Pacers, Lakers, Grizzlies, Heat, Knicks, Thunder, Magic, 76ers, Suns and Kings — whew — who all play Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.
Of these many, many teams, only the Mavs would be coming into the week having played Sunday.
The Bulls, Cavs, Hawks, Clippers and Spurs all finish their week on Saturday.
Three-Game Teams:
Brooklyn Nets
New Orleans Pelicans
Utah Jazz
Washington Wizards
Notes:
The Pels play Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The Wiz are on Monday, Friday and Sunday.
The Nets are Monday, Friday and Saturday and the Jazz suit up Monday, Thursday and Saturday — plan accordingly.
Injury Radar
Injuries to Monitor for Week 3
- Atlanta Hawks: C Onyeka Okongwu (toe)
- Atlanta Hawks: F/G DeAndre Hunter (knee)
- Boston Celtics: G/F Jaylen Brown (hip)
- Charlotte Hornets: C Nick Richards (shoulder)
- Chicago Bulls: G Zach LaVine (adductor)
- Denver Nuggets: G Jamal Murray (concussion)
- Indiana Pacers: C Isaiah Jackson (Achilles, out for the season)
- Memphis Grizzlies: G Marcus Smart (hand)
- Memphis Grizzlies: G Desmond Bane (oblique)
- Milwaukee Bucks: F Giannis Antetokounmpo (adductor)
- Minnesota Timberwolves: C Rudy Gobert (ankle)
- Orlando Magic: F/C Paolo Banchero (oblique)
- New Orleans Pelicans: F Zion Williamson (hamstring)
- New Orleans Pelicans: F Herb Jones (shoulder)
- New Orleans Pelicans: G CJ McCollum (adductor)
- Utah Jazz: F Lauri Markkanen (back)
- Utah Jazz: G Jordan Clarkson (foot)
- Washington Wizards: F Kyle Kuzma (groin)
Notes:
Giannis, LaVine, Gobert, and Markkanen are questionable to play Monday as of this writing. Everyone else is out at least through Monday.
Bane and Smart are week-to-week. Clarkson will be re-evaluated in a week. McCollum and Jones continue a season from hell for the Pels, with both being sidelined for at least the next two weeks.
Banchero has a lengthy absence on the way, as he’ll be out for at least a month 💔
Return Radar
Key Players Confirmed or Possible to Return in Week 3
Paul George
George is expected to make his season debut Monday after sitting out due to a knee injury. His teammate, Joel Embiid, is still sitting due to injury management and will be out through Monday at least.
Steph Curry
Curry has missed three games but is questionable to play Monday against the Washington Wizards. He participated in shootaround Monday morning, so even if he didn’t play immediately, his return appears imminent.
Stock Up, Stock Down for Week 3 of Fantasy Hoops
Risers
Christian Braun
Listed in our honourable mentions last week, Braun is around 14-5-2 this season with two stocks per contest and is viable to roster in non-shallow leagues as long as he continues to hold the starting role. He has four games this week, and Murray is out with a concussion for at least Monday, possibly longer.
Alex Sarr | Bilal Coulibaly
Many thought he was the rightful No. 1 pick, and lately, Sarr has shown those flashes. Sarr had 17 points, six boards and four blocks against the Heat in Mexico on Saturday. He’s averaging close to 10 points and three blocks per contest, and while he only has three games this week, it’s time to add him if you’re in a real league — a.k.a. not an eight-teamer.
Coulibaly, his teammate, has been even better. He’s averaging 19.4 points, 6.2 rebounds and 1.2 steals per contest. Sustainable? Don’t know, but he’s gone over 20 in three of four with six stocks across his last three efforts. Plus, he’ll get opportunities all teams look for because, well, look at that roster.
Payton Pritchard
With Jaylen Brown out to start the week, Pritchard — who had 22 points and six threes on Saturday — will benefit. Even with Brown, he’s the Sixth Man of the Year frontrunner and is averaging 15.7 points with 3.0 boards, 2.6 assists and 1.3 steals per game.
Honorable Mentions:
F Tari Eason – Houston Rockets
G/F Ben Mathurin – Indiana Pacers
G Jordan Hawkins – New Orleans Pelicans
G Jose Alvarado – New Orleans Pelicans
Fallers
Alex Caruso
Caruso is averaging 2.7 points, 2.8 rebounds, 1.8 assists and 1.8 steals. He’s shooting 27/13/0 splits — including one free throw attempt, a miss — and has a career-low 10.9 usage. It’s why I ultimately passed on drafting him, though I didn’t think it’d be this bad, and chances are, the shooting will improve. Other than steals, there’s no appeal to rostering him now.
Jonas Valanciunas
As someone who has JV again, the appeal in rostering him is the double-double threat, even if limited in minutes. But with Sarr’s emergence and in a three-game week, the big man takes a hit this week and has more of a ceiling than pre-season rankings would indicate. He’s generally rosterable in non-shallow leagues but look for sell-high opportunities in the coming weeks because, chances are, wherever he eventually gets traded to, he’ll probably be part of a rotation fortifying a frontline, not the guy at center.
Donte DiVincenzo
Meh. I’m sure the shooting will explode at some point, but it looks clunky. For now, it looks like pre-Knicks DDV. You didn’t draft him where you did for sub-10 points and under four dimes per game on 36/31/61.
Honorable Mentions:
G/F Caleb Martin — Philadelphia 76ers
G/F Kelly Oubre Jr. — Philadelphia 76ers
G/F Kentavious Caldwell-Pope — Orlando Magic
G Ben Simmons — Brooklyn Nets
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