WEEK 7 (DOUBLE WEEK) CHAMP
đ LA
WEEK 7 (DOUBLE WEEK) SUCKER
đ€Ș NESS
Alright, slackers, itâs been a while, but Iâm back to drop the mid-season fantasy tea. Weâre a third through the fantasy hoops season, and the standings are looking spicy. Some of you are out here looking like championship contenders (Hi LA, we all see ya up there), while others fought hard to stay out of the Weekly Sacko’s reach (Mike + Mare) only to have a third team hold onto last place with a vise-like grip (love ya, Ness).
Itâs time to face the fantasy facts. So sit back, grab a snack, and letâs talk stats, streaks, and the questionable decisions that got us here. You know you missed me.
The Black Order (5-4) đ vs. ChloĂ«âs Champion Team
The Matchup That Went Down to the Wire
- Close Calls
- 78 Steals (LA) vs 79 (Chlo)
- .479 FG% (LA) vs .480 (Chlo)
- 106 3s (LA) vs 111 (Chlo)
This one came down to the smallest margins, with The Black Order using assists, rebounds and free throws to sneak away with the win. ChloĂ«âs Champion Team held the edge in shooting, threes, steals and blocks, but the hustle stats (boards and assists) swung the matchup. The Black Order took this win despite playing 2 fewer games.
Cracks in the Armor: LAâs roster has seen some significant changes since the season began. While their dominance continues for now, those shakeups may reveal cracks in the foundationâsomething the rest of the league should keep an eye on.
đ FG% QUEEN: Chlo’s accurate shooting makes her deadly. She doesnât waste shots. Every attempt counts. (.480 this week but .489 overall/best in the league!)
Match Takeaway: LA has been finding ways to win multiple close matchups, and thatâs a dangerous habit come playoff time.
I Got A Harden (5-4) đ vs. GetSome
Sharing Is Caring
- Close Calls
- 132 3s (Jess) vs 129 (B)
- 70 Steals (Jess) vs 67 (B)
- 1140 Points (Jess) vs 1148 (B)
Even though GetSome blocked everything in sight (70 blocks), their turnovers (131) and a slight edge in points werenât enough to carry them. I Got A Harden delivered in assists (337) and steals (70) to run away with the prize.
đĄïžYOU SHALL NOT PASS Award: B with 70 Blocks â a rejection highlight reel. They came, they swatted, they conquered (…the category, but they still get the nod.)
B has a good team that feels one move away from greatness. You can’t let your guard down against him. On the other side, Jess lives on the edge. High highs, low lowsâlike binge-watching a drama series where you scream at the screen every episode.
Match Takeaway: Itâs not always pretty, but a win is a win.
Flat Earthers (6-3) đ vs. Mary Gets Bucketzz
Bucketzz Denied
- Close Calls
- 42 Blocks (Mike) vs 38 (Mare)
- 73 Steals (Mike) vs 65 (Mare)
Mary Gets Bucketzz came into Week 7 ready to ball, but it wasn’t enough.
Flat Earthers turned their FG% struggles (.458) into a non-issue by simply out-shooting Mary Gets Bucketzz. With 140 three-pointers and a monstrous 1247 points, this was a volume win in every sense. Mary Gets Bucketzz fought hard with efficiency (.481 FG% – tied for best in the league this week), but the hustle statsârebounds, assists, and stealsâbelonged to the Flat Earthers. All this, with two fewer games played.
âïžBright Spot for Mike: They stuffed the stat sheet with some high scores – 140 three-pointers (first for this week) raining down and 1247 points (second for this week).
Match Takeaway: A coin flip. Both teams need a spark to officially break free of their spiral. Will Mike continue forward with this momentum? Will Mare do the fine-tuning needed to change her trajectory?
Too Hot For Kool Aid (8-1) đ„ vs. Lowryour Expectations
The Blowout of the Week
- Close Calls
- .481 FG% (Jen) vs .480 (Ness)
- 125 3s (Jen) vs 114 (Ness)
- 72 Games Played (Jen) vs 58 (Ness)
Too Hot For Kool Aid put Lowryour Expectations in their place and then some. They grabbed every point like they were collecting rare Pokémon cards. But was it even fair? Too Hot For Kool Aid played 14 more games than Lowryour Expectations, so the fact that there are some close stats is actually fucking wild.
The Real Story: Jen’s extra volume made the difference here. Ness deserves credit for keeping some stats competitive while playing 14 fewer games. If they can bridge that game-count gap, they could turn things around!
Match Takeaway: Sometimes, fewer games played can say more about a team than the final score. Jen continues to appear dominant, but Ness might not be as far behind as the scoreboard suggests. (Let’s go, babe, don’t give uuuup!) With recent roster shakeups, itâll be interesting to see if those seams start to show in the coming weeks.
Ahh!
đĄ Week 8 Predictions
- The Team to Watch: Flat Earthersâ offense is peaking. Will they keep pouring in the points?
- Redemption Game: ChloĂ«âs Champion Team needs a bounce-back win to erase the heartbreak of Week 7. Theyâre due for a big week!
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